Zombie Drip Italian Roast Coffee | 1 Pound

$29.99

🧟 ARE YOU BASICALLY UNDEAD UNTIL YOU'VE HAD COFFEE?

You know who you are.

The alarm goes off.
Your eyes open.

Technically, you’re alive.

Nobody has confirmed you’re functional.

You shuffle toward the coffee maker. Conversation is strongly discouraged. Important decisions should be postponed. Anyone expecting enthusiasm at this hour has clearly misunderstood the situation.

If your morning personality doesn’t arrive until after the first cup, congratulations:

YOU FOUND YOUR COFFEE.

ZOMBIE DRIP is made for serious dark-roast drinkers who want their coffee deep, heavy, oily, and intensely roasted, with virtually no acidity.

It doesn't whisper good morning.

It performs a resurrection.

And if you're somehow one of those suspicious people who wakes up cheerful?

You probably know someone who doesn't.

Your spouse. Your best friend. Your coworker. That family member everyone knows not to talk to before coffee.

Give them something they'll actually use.

Because flowers die.
Zombies don't.
And coffee gets consumed.

☣️ OFFICIAL POST-MORTEM COFFEE REPORT

SUBJECT: ZOMBIE DRIP
CURRENT CONDITION: DEAD TIRED
CAUSE: PREMATURE AWAKENING
PRESCRIBED TREATMENT: COFFEE — IMMEDIATELY
PROGNOSIS: IMPROVES AFTER FIRST CUP

🧟 ROAST PROFILE

ROAST: Italian Roast

CUP PROFILE: Deep • Heavy • Richly Roasted

TASTING NOTES: Oily Richness • Massive Roasted Flavor

ACIDITY: Virtually None

FORM: Whole Bean

⚠️ REANIMATION PROTOCOL

STEP 1: Grind beans.
STEP 2: Brew coffee.
STEP 3: Consume.
STEP 4: Wait for signs of life.

If subject remains unresponsive, administer second cup.

🧟 ZOMBIE DRIP

PULSE: OPTIONAL
CONVERSATION: NOT YET
COFFEE: NON-NEGOTIABLE
CURRENT STATUS: 100% DEAD TIRED

CAUSE OF DEATH: NO COFFEE.